Table of Contents
- Part 1: My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me
- I Am the Fat-assed Girlfriend
- Part 2: The Foundation Is Cracked
- It All Started With a Garbage Pail Kid
- Truly Tasteless Jokes, or How I Learned about Sex
- I Know You're in There, Whore!
- Hey, Baby, Let Me See Your Tattoo!
- The Case of the Really Tight H.J.
- He Didn't Even Look at Me Twice
- Austin Powers, Jr.
- My Gay Ex-boyfriends
- Shy Pooper
- Part 3: Bathing in Tandem
AKA My First Adult Relationship
- My First Adult Relationship
- The Coital Laugh
- Have You Been Fighting in Front of the Cat?
- A Questionable Poo: The End of Romance
- Witches Boarding School: My Sexual Fantasy
- The Saddest Bath
- My Landing Strip Is Stuck to You
- The Accidental Hand Job
- How a Lean Cuisine Spa Meal Ruined the Perfect Hook-up
- The "I-Can't-Believe-I-Live-on-the-Beach" Guy
- The Texas Titty Twister
- Whore Bath
- Birthday Bath With a Stranger
- What's Up With All the Baths?
- Part 4: No More Baths
(Well, Maybe a Few More)
- A Real, Genuine, 100-percent Bona Fide
- Delta Employee Versus A Heartbroken
- Coworker Phone Sex
- What Do You Think of My Boobies?
- The Pre-famous Dude
- Lolly's Acne
- Part 5: Terrible, Horrible, No Good,
Very Bad Things,
and One Crazy-ass Mailman
- Mom's Cancer, My Dying Cat, and
Other Good First Date Topics
- Gary, My Crazy-ass Horny Mailman
- You Don't Believe in Love
- Single People Are Not Welcome at Build-A-Bear
- Past Life Regression Therapy
- eRejection: My Foray into Online Dating
- Part 6: Where Do Broken Vaginas Go? Do They Find Their Way Home?
- My Broken Vagina
- An Un-spiritual Awakening on Parking Level 4
- The Last Supper, Olive Garden Style
I'm a single girl
and I have stories I feel the need to tell, including the one about the death of a relationship and its resurrection in the "New Fiction" section at Barnes & Noble …
Just when Hilary Winston is finally getting her life together she finds out her ex-boyfriend wrote an unflattering novel about her, referring to her as the "fat-assed girlfriend." This sends her into a downward spiral that's sometimes hilarious, and other times heartbreaking, causing her to question that almost-five-year relationship - as well as every relationship she's had before and after it. Now Hilary reveals her dirty laundry in a laugh-out-loud, non-fiction book written for every woman who's ever been dumped.
- The Shy Pooper Asked me to leave his apartment the morning after break-up sex because he had to poop and couldn't do it with me in the apartment.
- The Pre-Famous Dude We agreed we would only hang out for one night. No strings attached. I didn't want anything from him yet somehow he managed to break-up with me anyway. Then he became famous. I should have slept with him.
- My Gay Ex-Boyfriend #3 Would rather watch a handicapped woman rape scene in "Stir of Echoes" than fool around with me. That's when I figured out he might be gay.
- Austin Powers Jr. I thought he was the funniest most original guy I'd ever met. He had a small friend he called "Mini-Me" and he was always "randy, baby". I hadn't seen "Austin Powers" and once I watched it with him I realized he wasn't funny or original or the guy for me.
- Gary, My Crazy-ass Horny Mailman Gary dyed his white hair jet black and insisted I liked reggae music and insisted we should go to a baseball game. I insisted he just deliver my mail and try asking out a woman around his own age, seventy.
- The Texas Titty Twister I'd never heard of "nipple play" before him. He was way way too much work.